2011 Lessons Learned

Grabbing inspiration from my evening and my friend Matt's (used to be daily) Facebook posts I thought I would pay tribute to the year that was 2011 with a over-reaching, indulgent post about things that were learned in the past year. On a side note--99% of Matt's "Lessons Learned Today" were taught by myself, Anna Maria and Kim, all of whom have left the Bu, so I don't know how he has learned anything in the past 3 months. I even have proof--Matt's last "Lesson's Learned was posted on October 20th, 2011 and said this: "Things Learned: Crane work is dirty; my boss thinks that packing up her apartment so she can move away forever in 9 days is a good reason to skip work; I don't know what Zumba is; The 3/5 clause in the Constitution was actually referring to midgets."

I wasn't even IN the Bu and I still influenced the Zumba lesson. Sorry for all of the pregnancy-related lessons, dude. I wish I didn't even learn most of those.

So, without further ado, my Lessons Learned of 2011 in no particular order:

1. I hate NBC. They shelved "Community" for this upcoming Spring season.

2. I hate ABC. They shelved "Cougar Town" for the entire year.

3. All movie/television birth scenes are complete and udder bullshit.

4. Emme is the smartest baby alive.

5. Michael Buble is still my fav, and I don't care who makes fun of me for it.

6. Fountain Diet Dr Pepper in a big styrofoam cup can rescue an awful day.

7. Whomever invented the pacifier should have won a Nobel Prize.

8. Chick Fil-A are a bunch of right-wing homophobic nut jobs, but I still can't boycott that damn chicken sandwich.

9. Sleep-training could be used in place of water boarding at Gitmo.

10. Ugandans inexplicable love country music.

11. I miss America. I was there a bit too long and got teased into thinking I belonged there again. Target shareholders must be feeling a bit hit--I am sorry and I will get back as soon as possible.

12. I should have been a baby clothes manufacturer because the price/square foot of fabric is outstandingly obscene.

13. I have too much shit.

14. Seeing your baby light up when you walk in the room is the most amazing feeling in the world. Better than smelling the ocean! I still can't believe it.

15. Infants fly remarkably well, but cannot be explained the perils of jet lag. Hence me not remembering my first 3 weeks here.

16. 80 degree weather on December 24th sucks.

17. 80 degree weather on January 1st is awesome.

18. Nothing is more important than family.

19. Lamaze class still haunts me in my dreams. I never want to have a natural labor and be hosed down half naked like an elephant at the zoo. (shudder.)

20. Men should never pack out by themselves. Ever.

21. Bucharest with graduation goggles wasn't too bad in the end. We made amazing friends and had excellent internet--what else could you ask for?

22. Business class makes you feel sublimely superior. Suck it peons!

23. Americans can still unite. (May 1st 2011)

24. Speaking of--not necessarily a "lessons learned" but do you think UBL ever saw himself being parodied on SNL with Saddam and laughed? No, he was too busy masturbating with Western porn. Unrest in hell you piece of shit.

25. I can take a "Steel Magnolias" movie quiz and score 100% without cheating.

26. "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2" was the best movie of the year. That being said--I haven't seen a movie in like 3 months.

27. Ryan Gosling. No explanation necessary.

28. "Parks and Recreation" is the best show on television.

29. Pinterest is dangerous.

30. When rocking/singing Emme to sleep I apparently only really know 3 songs all the way through from total memory. 2/3 are from 1990's Disney. I still don't know why Ariel wanted to be "A Part of (Our) World."

31. It's our fault Ugandans are so crazy homophobic. Thanks Baptist Missionaries.

32. DPOs are so far superior to the Diplomatic Pouch that I can't even get started or I will get angry and go on a rant.

33. Giving birth is the hardest thing humankind has ever had to endure.

34. Babies love football.

35. The ability to take a shower with decent water pressure is directly related one's happiness.

36. If a Japanese tsunami hits then I am royally screwed.

37. Ugandans think furniture stain and shoe polish are one and the same.

38. Pregnancy brain is a real thing and should not be trifled with.

39. Kristen Wiig was my hero far before 2011, but at least everyone else feels the same way now.

40. We still don't know who killed Rosie Larsen.

41. I can only survive one episode of "American Horror Story."

42. Yes, America. Kim Kardashian is awful. I could have told you this in six years ago.

43. James Spader is just as sinfully delicious as he was in the 80's, but I still miss Steve Carrell.

44. All snakes in Uganda are poisonous. So I have to assume the snake that our guard killed the other day was either a Mamba or a Cobra. #scaredshitless

45. I obviously finally learned what a "hash tag" was.

46. I still don't know what Tumblr is all about.

47. Ron Swanson is one of the greatest television characters ever written.

48. I will never be Martha Stewart.

49. According to my bank statement I will probably save $10,000 next year by not having Jason's Deli, Target, Chick Fil-A and Marshall's at my disposal.

50. Earplugs are a Mzungus best friend.

51. Being a parent is the most amazing yet most difficult thing I have ever or will ever do. I hope everyone gets to experience it.

52. Blue Bell ice cream is still far superior. Peppermint is still my fav.

53. Jon is the best father I have ever seen.

54. I am sure there are waaayyy more but I have run out of time and patience and Emme is screaming. Here's to 2012 and may it be as eventful as 2o11....although not quite, I am not ready for another baby. :)

UPDATE:

55. Beer Olympics and Baby Showers should not be mixed.

56. No one over the age of 25 should compete in said Beer Olympics.

57. Saying goodbye to friends who you honestly don't know when you will see again is tres dificil. Thank god for modern computer technology like annoying blogs. NATCH!

UPDATE #2:

58. Udder and utter are two different words. Whoops.

59. While I will never be Tammy Taylor, Emme still has a chance. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. And I bawled.

Peace and Love.

A Very Kampala Christmas

Check out my Christmas gift from the hubs. It's hand-carved with African-thingys on it. Ugandans think shoe polish is a proper way to stain wood so it smells wonderful.

We woke up by Emme's cries at 7am and opened presents. Unfortunately, our HHE arrived just a bit too late to put up our fancy Wal-Mart tree so we had to go with an ABSURDLY expensive Ugandan version that should have cost 99 cents.

Emme decided to get really possessive of all her gifts and wanted to open them all at the same time.

Emme got lots of books and toys and a big girl swing that Santa forgot to put under the tree. She wanted to read her books immediately.

Then she had "too much Christmas" and decided she couldn't take all the chaos. Can you see the pile of trash? Oi vei.

Emme took a nice nap after her present opening and then we dressed her up in her ridiculous Christmas outfit and took her over to a Ugandan's house for a local Christmas celebration. I got this outfit when I was home at the Christmas in Cowtown fair in Fort Worth. It is so ridiculous and I never dress her up in this kind of stuff so it was fun for one day. AND she didn't poop in the tutu...she doesn't have a good track record with tutus...

Erin and Jon ate "local" food on Christmas with the Ugandans that consisted of sweet potatoes, pumpkin and Matoke. It tasted like...nothing. All I know is the next day Jon and I both felt like crap and Emme had really bad diaper rash.

Then Emme put on her last Christmas outfit that was sent by Grandma and Grandpa Drucker and we all settled in for a long winter's nap.

Thanks to everyone who sent us gifts--you have no idea how nice it is to feel a little "normal" every once in a while and mail seems to do the trick! We miss everyone terribly and are currently unpacking everything so we can start to actually enjoy our new home and get ready for our first guests...whose it gonna be?!?!?! By the way, have I mentioned how difficult unpacking is with a baby? SHEESH! She only naps for like 30 minute increments and she is currently in a new teething phase. If I get through 3 boxes a day I consider it an accomplishment.

On another note--I unpacked a scale for our bathroom and pleasantly discovered that I have officially lost all the baby weight. Now that being said, this scale has been in a box for the last 6 months banged around on an ocean freighter, so who the hell knows if it's accurate or not. Also, just because the weight is technically gone that doesn't mean that everything still fits. The hips are a bit wider and my wedding ring is still inexplicably too tight. Everyone warned me about my feet, but no one said a damn thing about my hands! I already have MAN HANDS! Inexcusable, Emme. If I go at this rate then I'll be able to crush a coconut between my fingers by the next baby. Anyway, I hope the scale is accurate enough...now just on to the weight I wanted to lose PRE BABY!!!

Emme's New Trick

Someone likes to mimic adult behavior. Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

White People Have Too Much Crap

Our crap arrived from Romania yesterday, and if you want to have White Person Guilt then I suggest you watch 5 Africans load your crap into your mansion whilst your housekeeper just keeps saying "too much stuff....too much stuff."

I gave our housekeeper Bridget some Christmas candy that I ordered, speaking of which--you were aware that there are Cinnamon M&M's? I just HAD to try them. Anyway, I like to have Christmas treats around even if I don't eat all of them (very American) so I decided to hand some off. I made two Ziploc baggies filled with M&Ms, mint and cinnamon, Candy Cane Kisses and Christmas York Peppermint Patties so each of her kids would have some American treats. She was soooo appreciative and decided to take some out for our gardener and his kids AND kids at her church. I feel like an asshole. We don't realize just how amazing it is to be Americans until you realize how other people live. So, if you want to send me American treats I will share them with our staff. Did I mention I feel like an asshole? Saying "with our staff" doesn't help things.

Totally off topic: Emme has started sleeping on her tummy. Suffice to say I have not been sleeping well. Happy Holidays.

The Newest Drucker Addition

Meet Marvin. We were giving Miss Em a bath in the kitchen and all of a sudden Jon starts hitting me on the back and rapid-firing "Oh Oh Ohs" I thought he had forgotten to tell me that he won the lottery until he finally stammered-"Monkey! In the tree!" It took me a bit but I finally saw him climbing up the bamboo in our yard. I looked it up later and apparently he is a vervet monkey and I am assuming he is a he because we named him Marvin. Marvin the Monkey. I hope he comes back to play soon!

Out and About

One thing that is better in Kampala than Bucharest is the fact that they have breakfast. Romanians will argue with me that they too eat breakfast, but I beg to differ. Eating some sort of pastry and an espresso doesn't cut it for me. I don't think they even understood what a egg was.

Here, we actually have cafes that serve waffles, pancakes and scrambled eggs. One of our favorites haunts is a place where if you walk in you might actually mistake yourself being in Los Angeles. They even have a fancy sliding barn door that is all the rage on Pinterest.

We go to Endiro pretty much every weekend because we can pretend we are normal and Emme likes to stare at all the trees. Jon ordered French Toast (Spicy) and I got a mushroom and basil omlette. Delish! One thing we like about East African cooking is that they "spice" things with Masala spice so things taste like Thanksgiving and Christmas all the time.

The problem is, when we step out of there you are thrust back into Africa...whoops.

Tebowing...blech

So I thought about going with the latest Internet trend and go "Tebowing" here in Africa and then I realized, A) I hate Internet crazes and B) I hate Tim Tebow. For everyone who doesn't know what "Tebowing" is here you go: http://tebowing.com/?6d6c5040

I have never been able to fully express WHY I hate Tim Tebow so much--I used to assume it was because he was a UT rival. But he's in the pros now and I hate him almost more now than I did back in the dizzay. I have always thought he was too saccharine for me but being from Texas that really shouldn't bother me since Colt McCoy was overly sappy too.

The height of my hatred should have come when he decided to do an Pro-Life commercial during the Superbowl, but even then I could just roll my eyes and shrug it off...who cares? But then the pinnacle of my annoyance came when I was Pinning on Pinterest and some folks decided to pin a picture of him back in the Gator days when he wrote John 3:16 on his eye paint during the 2009 BCS Championship Game. As a result, 92 million people searched "John 3:16" on Google during or shortly after the game. Again, why this would bother me is beyond me, but for some reason it just does. I don't know if it's because he had that much influence over 92 million people, or the fact that this was something someone felt they needed to pin on a virtual cork board that I use for future home designs that I will never afford and fart jokes.

So, I could never quite put into words what it was that irked me so, and then I happened to log onto Facebook this morning and someone had posted this article. Written so wonderfully by one of my favorite authors, Chuck Klostermann. It's like he reached into my brain and pulled out exactly what it is that I have been trying to put into words...which is of course, what good authors do.

So, without further ado...

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7319858/the-people-hate-tim-tebow

What a difference a week makes!

As you can see Emme has made great strides in her rolling over in the last week. Now she just rocks back and forth over and over and over again.

**I am completely aware, by the way that all of my posts have been about Emme. Honestly I WISH I could post more about frolicking in the African jungle, but I really haven't gotten to do much since I have been here. I sure as shit aint gonna drive here so I need to get a driver and my life pretty much revolves around the one that we call Emme. We did get to go to a cool place last Sunday called Mish Mash. It's a restaurant/art gallery/cool house run by some Brits and I had an excellent "trio of dips" to write home about. Check it out so when you come and visit you know what it's about. www.mishmashuganda.com.

Speaking of Brits--this leads my brain to the subject of white people. I have seen about 4 times as many westerners here in 3 weeks than my entire 2 years in Romania. There are just so many NGOs (thats Non-Government Organizations) to you newbies and people that come here and never leave its amazing. When we were at Mish Mash I think the ENTIRE opening was the mzungi. I think I saw one rich-looking native Ugandan with a Louis Vuitton. And us white folk dress JUST like you think white people dress in Africa. Cargo pants and linen shirts for the men and long maxi skirts with canvas messenger bags, scarves and locally-made earrings for the ladies. It's awesome.

Emme's Playdates

Emme had her first play date last week with her new best friend, Charlotte. Charlotte is almost 11 months and as cute as a button. See?

Emme liked to play with Charlotte's toys, especially this V-Tech toy that she couldn't get enough of. We had her second play date today with Charlotte again and some Japanese ladies and Emme decided to go after the V-Tech toy again. Charlotte was nice enough to share and let Emme take it home with her so she could play with it until her other toys get here. As you can see she absolutely loves it and can sit up all by herself like a big girl!!!

Emme's Giggle Fit

Jon burped last night and we noticed that Emme sort of laughed, so he did it again...this time more laughter. So we both burped (his real mine fake, I am a lady you know) and she just thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen. So, we decided to film it.

In other news, I finally got to leave the house last night. Our friends had some people over at 8pm which unfortunately is right at Miss Em's bed time, so we just brought her over and I went upstairs with her and rocked her to sleep and she passed out in their pack n play. I kept thinking she was going to wake up screaming bloody murder and then we would take her home which would wake her up again, etc. but it was shockingly easy. So, score one for me!

Emerson Being Adorable

Emme decided that she was so excited to live in her own house that she started rolling over! She was rolling from tummy to back a long time ago, but started from back to tummy the day before Thanksgiving and miraculously got it on video.